WOW! Sorry for my absence, oh my reader(s)! It's been quite a summer. Barely had time to breath let alone write. But, now that the heat of summer has left and cool, calm fall is here hopefully I will become a bit more diligent about posting. So much to tell you all!
It's been one crazy summer with Loki. He and I have had so many adventures, big and small, sexual and otherwise. I think we've grown a lot in each others' company. Soon I will tell you more about our experiences with collaring and puppy play, attempts at learning ropes, switching things up and other fun and excitement. I'll be updating Loki's blog, too, with new stories.
But for now, dear reader, let me close with this: domination and submission can take many forms - physically, mentally and emotionally. For me, this has forced me to examine my own needs and desires, insecurities and fears very closely. And if you want to incorporate this kind of dynamic into a more than casual relationship I think it takes very clear and open communication. There is a lot of potential for abuse of the power given to the dominant and both parties need to be clear on expectations and limits before proceeding. If the trust that the submissive places in the dominant is broken, even in an otherwise strong relationship, the dynamic of the relationship may change.
As a dominant, stay aware of your submissive and do not betray that gift of trust. Listen to what they are saying. As the one in charge, you are responsible for their well-being in the end (even when the desired result is pain or humiliation). If you find yourself unable to control your emotions in a situation step back and cool off before proceeding. Take a moment to reflect on your intended action, its motivation, and the possible consequences. I say this from experience now having been a dominant and a submissive in good scenes and, well, not so good scenes.
Each scene, good or not, has been a learning experience and has helped me grow and become better each time I think (though I still have A LOT to learn). I see my role as a dominant to provide my submissive with a safe experience that fulfills their desires as much as my own because I am their provider and caregiver. Their mental and physical safety is my responsibility.
In my future posts, I plan on sharing more of my personal thoughts on domination and submission. Sure, my experience has been limited to one partner in the arena of D/s in a sexual context, but I have been amazed what I've learned about myself and so many of my relationships with others outside that context as well. And I'd love to hear your stories and ideas on this and other subjects, so keep in touch!
Monday, September 14, 2009
Monday, May 11, 2009
Lessons learned
Things learned this weekend with Loki:
More on the subject to come soon - so much to process still.
- courage and strength
- trust
- respect and self-respect
- pride
- a new understanding of the limits of love
- a new understanding of the limitless forms of love
- hope
More on the subject to come soon - so much to process still.
Tuesday, May 5, 2009
Preparations
Very excited about another weekend with my pup/slave Loki. Unfortunately for us, he lives in NYC and I'm upstate right now. We're really hoping to correct this situation this summer/fall, but for now, we're enjoying weekend get-aways and lots of phone calls.
So, unfortunately this week, Loki broke one of our "rules" and forgot to ask permission to masturbate. I've considered giving him a break since it's masturbation month, but I really feel I need to establish firm control at this point, and don't want to let him get away with anything. I'm a firm believer in the punishment should fit the crime, so I'm weighing my options. He's very anxious about what I may do. I just wish I knew enough bondage to do what I want to do.....
On the other hand, he has been SUCH a good slave and so considerate! He's complied with my wishes and directions, and really shown great initiative and imagination in trying to please me across the miles. I am so proud of him!! While there will be that one punishment, there will be many, many rewards! Some surprises he doesn't even know about yet!
But the big thing this weekend.....I will be officially collaring him! We are both VERY excited about this. This will be a very big step for both of us, but one I feel we are ready to take. A very special evening I hope it will be.
On a side note: I want to give special mention to Lorii and the great folks at Wyred Slave . Lorii has really been so wonderful and personable helping me with my order and I look forward to doing business with them again.
So, wish us luck this weekend!!!
So, unfortunately this week, Loki broke one of our "rules" and forgot to ask permission to masturbate. I've considered giving him a break since it's masturbation month, but I really feel I need to establish firm control at this point, and don't want to let him get away with anything. I'm a firm believer in the punishment should fit the crime, so I'm weighing my options. He's very anxious about what I may do. I just wish I knew enough bondage to do what I want to do.....
On the other hand, he has been SUCH a good slave and so considerate! He's complied with my wishes and directions, and really shown great initiative and imagination in trying to please me across the miles. I am so proud of him!! While there will be that one punishment, there will be many, many rewards! Some surprises he doesn't even know about yet!
But the big thing this weekend.....I will be officially collaring him! We are both VERY excited about this. This will be a very big step for both of us, but one I feel we are ready to take. A very special evening I hope it will be.
On a side note: I want to give special mention to Lorii and the great folks at Wyred Slave . Lorii has really been so wonderful and personable helping me with my order and I look forward to doing business with them again.
So, wish us luck this weekend!!!
Wednesday, April 22, 2009
A Contract
After much consideration and discussion, Loki and I have established some basic mutually agreeable guidelines. I really enjoy how open and frank our discussions have been. It has really helped me learn a lot about myself and I am a much more confident, self-assured person. I'd like to share a basic outline of our guidelines with you. I'd love to hear feedback anytime.
Trillian's and Loki's Guidelines.
Trillian's and Loki's Guidelines.
Tuesday, April 21, 2009
Guidelines, protocols, fears... the mental side of things...
So now that Loki and I have spent some good quality time together, I think we can more rationally establish guidelines and protocols. Who knew so much went into a strong D/s relationship? I certainly have a much better understanding of their importance now, for both the Dom and the sub. Maybe it's naive to believe so (and I suspect highly controversial), but it seems like there is endless opportunity to customize the relationship. What (I think) I really like is the ability to clearly define expectations ahead of time and openly discuss wants/needs/likes/dislikes/fears. Outlining what type of repercussions/rewards might ensue leads to security it seems.
I hope to have time over the next several days to seriously consider how I want to structure this relationship. I imagine it might be blasphemous to say so in the opinion of many in the community, but I plan on working closely with Loki on this. I know he wants to please me as his Master, but I feel (and I think he expects) that I will not only provide him some structure and order to his life, but security as well. It is more than about sex and discipline in my opinion - although they provide a great deal of options and a lot of enjoyment. The trick, and what I am attempting to wrap my mind around, is how to incorporate seemingly diametrically opposed concepts of pain/discipline and pleasure/reward when they're all jumbled up together. Working on it...... I'll keep you all posted of how it goes.
Fears - well of course I have them. I don't feel it's appropriate to discuss them all here, thought, in front of Loki. Hope to find some like-minded D types to share my concerns with.
I hope to have time over the next several days to seriously consider how I want to structure this relationship. I imagine it might be blasphemous to say so in the opinion of many in the community, but I plan on working closely with Loki on this. I know he wants to please me as his Master, but I feel (and I think he expects) that I will not only provide him some structure and order to his life, but security as well. It is more than about sex and discipline in my opinion - although they provide a great deal of options and a lot of enjoyment. The trick, and what I am attempting to wrap my mind around, is how to incorporate seemingly diametrically opposed concepts of pain/discipline and pleasure/reward when they're all jumbled up together. Working on it...... I'll keep you all posted of how it goes.
Fears - well of course I have them. I don't feel it's appropriate to discuss them all here, thought, in front of Loki. Hope to find some like-minded D types to share my concerns with.
Been busy doing my homework!!
Wow - what an amazing weekend!! Check out Loki's Adventures for some juicy stories.
But for some more practical matters read on....
Becoming the Domme/Master I want to be is going to be hard work!!! The amazing thing, however, is I can see it transforming me in many ways. Primarily, I've become more confident and assertive at work, which is a good thing. I needed more of a backbone professionally. But also in my personal and home life in general, it's forcing me to be more responsible and less lazy. It's definitely forcing me to examine myself very closely emotionally and mentally, causing me to take stock of priorities.
I take this as a very serious commitment. I could not do something like this half-heartedly knowing that it would not only affect me, but my sub/puppy as well. And when I commit to something, I tend to dive in head first!!
Fortunately I've stumbed across some resources that have been extremely helpful so far. I'd like to share a few with you.
Podcasts:
Websites:
Books:
But for some more practical matters read on....
Becoming the Domme/Master I want to be is going to be hard work!!! The amazing thing, however, is I can see it transforming me in many ways. Primarily, I've become more confident and assertive at work, which is a good thing. I needed more of a backbone professionally. But also in my personal and home life in general, it's forcing me to be more responsible and less lazy. It's definitely forcing me to examine myself very closely emotionally and mentally, causing me to take stock of priorities.
I take this as a very serious commitment. I could not do something like this half-heartedly knowing that it would not only affect me, but my sub/puppy as well. And when I commit to something, I tend to dive in head first!!
Fortunately I've stumbed across some resources that have been extremely helpful so far. I'd like to share a few with you.
Podcasts:
Websites:
Books:
- The Loving Dominant by John and Libby Warren
- Opening Up by Tristan Taormino (about open relationships
Friday, April 17, 2009
On Becoming a Master
So my Loki is finally here!
Our first evening together we started experimenting with some of our toys and feeling out our roles. We've started working with basic obedience commands and rule setting - learning what puppies can do and aren't allowed to do. Loki looks so irresistible with his collar on and tail in, I had to overcome the urge to take him on the spot! We've been playing with some bondage - well, OK, I've been trying to tie up my Houdini of a puppy. Need to work on it. But the motel room he's been in has been a bit prohibitively small and without great tying sites, and our time has been limited and complicated by non-role playing environments that we've had to interact in. I think maybe that's making it a bit harder to assume the Master/slave relationship. He's been seeing me in other roles and they are conflicting.
But today is a new day. Today, in less than 3 hours we will be on our own!! NOW I will assume command without question!
First order of business today will be to feed my puppy, in order to establish trust, respect and control. Then, I think, we'll to a vet check up, to make sure he's sound and healthy...
Check back soon! Juicer details to follow!
Our first evening together we started experimenting with some of our toys and feeling out our roles. We've started working with basic obedience commands and rule setting - learning what puppies can do and aren't allowed to do. Loki looks so irresistible with his collar on and tail in, I had to overcome the urge to take him on the spot! We've been playing with some bondage - well, OK, I've been trying to tie up my Houdini of a puppy. Need to work on it. But the motel room he's been in has been a bit prohibitively small and without great tying sites, and our time has been limited and complicated by non-role playing environments that we've had to interact in. I think maybe that's making it a bit harder to assume the Master/slave relationship. He's been seeing me in other roles and they are conflicting.
But today is a new day. Today, in less than 3 hours we will be on our own!! NOW I will assume command without question!
First order of business today will be to feed my puppy, in order to establish trust, respect and control. Then, I think, we'll to a vet check up, to make sure he's sound and healthy...
Check back soon! Juicer details to follow!
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